Category: Latest First

Breaking radio silence

I’ve been silent for 1,172 days.

‘Turns out that I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression – undiagnosed for most of my adult (at least) life – until a couple of years ago.

I’m finally back. Not free of it – by any means – but back and managing it increasingly well (most of the time).

So, I thought it was fitting to get things going again by sharing a little of my experience – and a tool I’ve developed to help me escape the darkness. It may help you or someone you know and care about.

Please note that I’m not a medical practitioner – merely a dramatic improvement enthusiast with some thoughts on the subject from my own limited experience of my single case of it.

Please get help from a suitably qualified medical professional, if you need it.

SAD

If you aren’t familiar with anxiety and depression, you may think that escaping either or a combination of the two is merely a case of “pull yourself together”.

It hardly ever is. And it is extraordinarily debilitating.

I think that there are both situational and pathological forms of it – as is the case with so many mental health issues – and the two forms are interrelated.

I call it the SAD (Shame|Anxiety|Despair) Cycle. It’s a self-reinforcing vicious cycle that is very difficult to escape.

Prerequisites for escaping the cycle

I think that escaping the SAD Cycle needs an ongoing combination of medication, diet, sleep, exercise and thinking and behavioural techniques (often called CBT – cognitive behaviour therapy) for heading off and escaping the vicious cycle. It often needs a safe and stress-free environment, as well.

In my case, the CBT techniques are the key – because it is only through them that I can bring myself to address the other elements.

Therapy

For most people therapy is immensely helpful – although you may need more than one attempt to find a therapist that “gets” you.

I decided to exchange getting therapy for learning to kitesurf – and I absolutely love it!

SAD to GLAD

Here’s the primary framework I use to help me reverse the cycle:

When I don’t perform as well as I’d like – or things don’t go as well as I’d hoped, it’s easy to create a vicious cycle of:

1. Shame: that I have failed or not done better
2. Anxiety: about how I will perform and what I and others will think of me.
3. Despair: Feeling defined by my failure and powerless to do anything about it.

Instead, I need to do a rigorous Reality Check:

A. Break the Calamity Cycle: recognise that my perception of reality has been distorted by the vicious cycle – and cannot be trusted.

B. Reinforce the Reality Cycle: deliberately and systematically calibrate my perception of reality to match what’s actually going on:

1. Gratitude: Switch from glass-half-empty to glass-half-full.
2. Love: Focus on the people I care about and the things I enjoy doing and who I want to be.
3. Acceptance: It’s better to accept reality than to rue it – because I can then devote my energies to:
4. Determination: Work to bring a good outcome about, given the circumstances and capitalising on them enthusiastically and resourcefully.

Advice

If you suspect that you (or someone that you care about) might suffer from SAD or something like it – whether situationally or pathologically – consider doing an anonymous online assessment at https://depression.org.nz – or the equivalent in your country.

In fact, I suggest that you do it more than once – and try to do it when you are actually experiencing the symptoms. I’m staggered at how different my scores were on good days from on bad days.

Contact me for more if you want it – as you can imagine, this is merely the tip of the iceberg.

And, as I said before, get help from a suitably qualified medical professional, if you need it – being trapped in a SAD cycle is not a trivial matter!

Watch this space

I’m close to (days away from) beginning to publish my life’s work. I’m both excited and filled with the dread of imposter syndrome.

Xi Footnote

Whether you match the symptoms precisely or not, it’s possible that you may think in a way known as extra intensity (Xi).

Here’s a simple (positive-only) Xi test: if three or more of the following resonate with you, you’re almost certainly on the Xi spectrum. (If not, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t on the Xi spectrum.)

1. Intellectually able with a low tolerance for stupidity.
2. Incurably inquisitive.
3. Needs autonomy– fight or flight when autonomy is threatened.
4. Excessive zeal in pursuit of interests.
5. Imbalance in emotional|intellectual self-confidence.

You’re welcome to email me for some more comprehensive tests and detail on how to deal with thinking in this different way – and how to deal with people who think in this way – whether you do or don’t, yourself.